Saturday, October 30, 2010


Tears welled today. They welled and welled and welled until the spilled over.

I hate crying, especially when I am at work. But I had to.

I am lonely. I am paralysed by a feeling of incompetence. I am being bullied (by the kids, it's the 'testing' period). I have to move in four weeks and I really don't want to.

I need a hug. But no one in this stupid town wants to speak to me let alone give me a hug. There are three friendly faces, all with young kids and full lives and I can't fit into the time they have. That's OK, I get it. I understand it, and you know? They are at least kind and will actually start a conversation with me.

It's the single people my age who I am angry at. None of them were raised here. None of them felt welcome when they came. But not ONE of them has attempted to make me feel welcome.

Oh, yeah, they did on the first day. I guess they scoped me out and decided, "Nope, we're not going to welcome this girl."

So, while I spend my entire day working out whether there are child protection issues going on, I want someone to notice my scars. Notice that I am drowning. I am the one who is struggling.

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