Dear Meg in 2009

I made a letter in 1999 to open in 2009 on Christmas Day. Not unlike a time capsule.

I didn't open it in 2009 'cause I'd forgotten about it (oh, and I was in England.) I opened it earlier this year. The contents made me so mad and annoyed I forgot about it straight away.

Basically, the contents that my 17 year old self wrote to my 27 year old self were - I hope that you are happy with X. He was in every sentence.

He was the boy I was obsessed with in year 12 and for the first part of the year following. He's who I now call 'knob boy' and my dad always called 'that thing in black.' The one who had little ol' gullible me thinking he was actually going around killing people. So of course, you know, I'd be all sympathetic and allow him to do 'whatever he wanted' and 'needed'. The guy who couldn't have me over to his house, 'because I've got a contract out on my life and I care for you too much to have you here' Yeah, him.

He was my first everything and while I am grateful to have had the typical high school experiences, I am so glad that I dodged that crazy-arse bullet.

So what have I done in the intervening ten years since dumping his lazy be-hind?

2009 - living in England. Saw lots of things, made friends I never would have and seen a 'better' education system

2008 - graduated university

2007 - was involved in my best friend's wedding. In which I got right stressed and, because of panic attacks, made a fool of myself. I also went home with a friend and had some of the best 'comfort' of my life.

2005 - studied in Germany for a semester. Made friends from all over the world, lived in dorms, fended totally for myself. Saw an inordinate amount of movies, fell in love with Indian food, dabbled with the idea of veganism (which in 2007 was a reality), went to Amsterdam and generally had a great time.

2002 - departed from my TAFE diploma and started a teaching degree. A degree! Something that only two or three others of my extended family have (at this time, in 2010 every man and his dog has one), something I never would have had the passion for in 1999.

2001 - doing a TAFE diploma. Boring as hell. But it was study, I was getting Austudy and could hang out with my friends a lot. And I did. Some of the things I did this year make me wonder how we didn't die.

2000 - dumped his sorry arse. Found out the moron was cheating and I moved to Germany. Not the best experience in my life, but I got to fulfill my dream of living in Europe. I also got to see Paris and Italy.

So, if I am to talk to my 17 year old self, I would say this. He's not worth it. He's a little obsession now. Don't let him take over your life. Think of yourself, and what you want. Don't give it all away.

What would you?