Wednesday, June 16, 2010


I've been toying with the idea of surrender over the past few months. I read it on one of the blogs I lurk on; the lady was desperate to have a baby and in the end surrended it over to her God to 'let it happen when it's the best time' and fell pregnant within a couple of months. (As an interesting aside, while I don't need euphemisms for many things being 'up the duff' is definitely one of them. Pregnant is, to me, one of the scariest and ugliest words in the English language. The German 'schwanger' isn't much better)

I pray when I think of it. I go through periods where I speak all the time to Archangel Michael and the others, and then I can not talk to them for weeks. I also kinda think that if I think, 'please' then it's assumed to be directed to him.

The day that I read her blog, it seared into my flesh. I surrended entirely to them and knew - as certain as I was that I was breathing - that they were going to come to the party with what I wanted. This has all but disappeared now. I knew it wouldn't be a miracle salve, but I had hoped that I would see some movement towards it.

And then, I think, I'm doubting them, why would they help? Does your God help you, guide you, even if you're doubting he is? I'm worried that mine don't.

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