Saturday, February 13, 2010

Lost in translation

I am lost in translation. I hate feel that movie. I'm in a no-man's land. Like being between the two wall waiting to be shot. Really.

I don't know who I am anymore. I made choices. I made decisions. My life wasn't perfect, but it was mine. Now I am someone else's. I am the government's. I am my parents'. I am my sisters'. I am my friends'.

I am lost in the absence of the ability to make decisions. I didn't make the choice to come back here, but here I am. I didn't make the choice to live where I am, but here I am. I desperately want to go back.

I know that really, I did make the decision to come back here. I didn't try and get a contract so that I could stay. I didn't manage to save enough money so that I could live where I wanted.

I'm floating. I don't know who I am.


  1. Sounds like you are going through the phase of being in's probably natural given that you have been away for long. Being a recent reader, I want to ask...why did you come back? You sound like you loved being away...

  2. My visa ran out and the school wasn't willing to offer sponsorships... cause it needed to 'downsize' four teachers anyway. *shrug* It was also time to be here for a wedding and to see friends.

  3. Oh okay...that's a shame. I do hope things work out the way you want them to...either here in Aus or overseas.

  4. Maybe it's time to choose your attitude. Instead of floating in limbo, take charge and DECIDE what's going to happen next instead of waiting for it to happen.

  5. things will settle down for you. I am guessing it is very difficult to see yourself as independent at the moment.