2011

Well, we're at the end of another year. I am not doing anything; at the moment, I am sitting in my Mum's living room, watching Stephen Fry at the Sydney Opera House. We've got a day party tomorrow, so will really be celebrating tomorrow.

I have two traditions at the end of the year:
1. I write down goals and regrets and burn them
2. I write here, a number of things that have helped/affected me during the year. As it is 2011, I will write 11.

Here we go, in no particular order:

I got a permanent job. It's the first time I have holidays and gotten paid for it. It is definitely a bonus, but not the best bit about it. I am working in a school and, though there are some drawbacks, I am generally enjoying it. I got to be much more involved by being at a smaller school and am really looking forward to being more involved and have more responsibility than I would have in a large school at this stage in my career.

I got to hang out with babies. A few of them. Babies that I enjoy. People have sprogged out in great great numbers this year!

Cut price housing with a housemate. Through this, I remembered how, and really learnt how to live in others' space. I know that I did it in England, but I in most of those houses I wasn't living almost on top of anyone. Here I was. We struggled, especially because we worked together, but by the end of the school year we were chugging along ok with each other.

I exercised pretty constantly this year. Not very well, and not to a great heartrate, but I did it. I've had to stop because I am sick, but I will get back into it when that shifts.

L&J. These two ladies gave me some company this year that I will be grateful for. I know we won't be best friends, and that's OK. I was lonely for the majority of the year and these two got rid of it on occasion.

S. This man is phenomenal. I am in awe of his greatness. You know, that man at work who just does everything well and to aplomb. I learnt so much from him this year, and I am really quite upset that he is leaving next year. Not only did I learn about curriculum from him, I learnt so much about behaviour management and connecting with the students. I have changed my entire teaching way because of conversations we've had this year. Also, he showed and told me he had respect for me. He is the best supervisor I've ever - I mean, ever - had. I've had some that were very good. Some who are friends now. Some who I respect. But I don't know I will ever find a supervisor I respect quite so much again.

I started having panic attacks again. It's terrible. But it has really galvanised my need, desire and intention to be healthy as soon as possible. I've been getting help from western medicine, life coach, alternative remedies and meditation. Paying a lot for the privilige, but I really need it. I will be better!

I have paid back over $18,000 of debt. I have paid my credit card off, paid my mother off, bought my car outright off my father, paid a few thousand back to Dad, and a few thousand to the bank. It is very freeing. I will have it completely done by this time next year: $11,000 to go!

3 terrabyte hard drive - I have years of television to watch. I have watched hundreds of hours of House, Supernatural, Big Love, Smallville, Regenisis. Lots and lots of TV. I am starting to remove the shame I feel in relation to how much television I watch.

I have started to not hate Country Music. Even Taylor Swift. It's actually quite easy to listen to, learn the words and sing. And it helps that everyone in my town loves it.

The student that I fought with for the whole year was the only one who, on graduating, sought me out to shake my hand and thank me for the work I've done this year. Thanks made it all good.

So, that's my year.

My resolution for 2012 is the same one as this year: To look back and have no regrets.

This will be three-fold:

1. Exercise and eat healthily with a good mental health.
2. Work hard to help students learn and understand.
3. Be confident and love myself.

I'd love to hear some of yours!

Work

Work is needing to be done. But there's season 4 of Smallville needing to be watched. :-)

My Christmas Wrap-up

On the first day of Christmas, I went to Sizzler's with my friends. I did have some good chat, and I was sooo full! So full. OMG! I know that we're not supposed to be materialistic, but I totally got the Dr Who Sonic Screwdrivers. Weee! The waitress even asked where I got them from. :)

On the second day of Christmas, it was Christmas Eve and I went to the traditional dinner at my Dad and Step-mother's. Lots of food and laughter (and extremely bad bad bad jokes, care of the crackers and my Dad!)  My Secret Santa forgot to bring my present. Stupid sister! lol.

On the third day of Christmas, I forgot my camera! I started the day at Mum's where Santa had come to us all. I totally got the Tupperware travel set. :) My sisters and one of their partners also came. We had breakfast together and then we all went our separate ways.

I went to my Aunt and Uncle's. Lasagne is my Christmas. Wierd, I know but it is... Caught up with cousins and their families, who I haven't seen since Christmas Day last year.

Lastly, I went to my friend's house and then Redcliffe Lagoon. Then they came back to mine and we played the Heroica boardgame for a bit. :)

On the fourth day of Christmas, I hung out with my Mother, both of my sisters and one of their partners. We gave presents, then went swimming and then had lunch. Mum and I then went and bought me a laptop. I paid Mum the loan I'd taken out from her in 2005 back!

Over the four days, I had a really great time. I usually feel disappointed after Christmas, but can never say why. I get so excited about it - buying people stuff, wrapping it, hanging out with friends and family. Nothing better! But something is normally missing. This year, it wasn't. Of course, I felt the usual guilt over Mum getting 3 hours because we had to start Christmas Eve at Dad's. I also felt a little stressed at the constant changing of place on Christmas Day, but I really had a good time. Not sure what wasn't missing, but it wasn't and I'm not going to worry about it.

I hope you all had a great time with friends and family!

Christmas is done

Done.

It's finished for another year!

I look forward to it every year and  am normally let down. I was not this year.

Longer post with pictures to come...

I bought a computer so will set aside time later tonight.

Presents

This is the insanity that 15 adults go into for each other...

Commercialisation of a sacred tradition? Poo to that! I want to give people things!

Oh and sorry they're sideways - a crooked neck is my gift to you!

Wrapping

I read on one of the blogs (natthefatrat.com) about wrapping presents with brown paper and doilies. I fell in love!

I spent hours at Spotlight chosing the ribbons - I tried to match the decorations with the person. I had so much fun wrapping the gifts. :-)

It did defeat the purpose of a Secret Santa though!

7mate

Is trash reality TV.

I love it.

Service sucks

If you are quoting something worth almost $40,000 do you wait 2 days?

Whole story coming soon...

Phone Calls

I had phone call upon phone call today. And not one could I answer!

I had an appointment in Robina, so was driving (3.5 hour return trip, blergh) and couldn't answer.

1. Television people, who I'm grateful are going to install the VAST system so we can get reception come the new year. To ring back.
2. Leasing company, who is returning my call almost two days later. Called back and then had to wait 20 minutes while the guy was found.

Ok, so 2 phone calls. Which for me is a lot.

Christmas Dinner

I went out for Christmas dinner with friends last night. Now, I knew that two friends wouldn't be there; one had a family birthday and one doesn't come out very often. I look forward to this dinner all year. And I was a little disappointed.

The nephew is being clingy and cranky. Not really a problem. It's a phase - he hasn't seen me for almost ten weeks. I understand. I'm awkward around ppl I don't really know too. :) He gave me a kiss at the end of the night and made everything ok.

The geek squad came. I am a geek/nerd too. This is a testament to my nerdiness (oh, and I got those sonic screwdrivers from my friends last night!) I enjoy geekiness and allow it in my life. But, if you are at a dinner table, you should have a conversation, not text.

To illustrate, let me draw a picture.

Orange, bright yellow, brown and light brown were talking to each other. They are my close friends. Yellow and cream were texting each other. Cream and dark green were texting each other. The three blues were sitting in silence. Light green was me.

Now, I know that people I know read this. Please know that I don't regret going, nor having them there. They are your friends and I'm sure if I was given a chance, I would like them. They do play D&D and love computer games after all - isn't that what I love about you?

 But surely having to sit with the person who organised the night isn't so bad that you have to either text each other, thereby excluding said person, or sitting in silence, and not responding to any attempt of conversation.

And must we really leave a restaurant ten minutes after finishing eating? Again, not a complaint being levelled at orange, brown, yellow or light brown; the babies you had there made you go home, I understand that. I really just wanted to get together and chat with friends. I only have friends every ten weeks you see and then when I organise something so that I can chat, the people sitting around me have no interest.

I just felt lost.

But I love you and am really looking forward to getting to spend some chat time with you, even though I know it's really hard to at the moment.

Thursday

I knew I had to be at Dad's by 9:30 this morning. I set my alarm for 9am and my sister texted me a picture of what my BIL (OK, not legally, but all but) would like for Christmas. Thanks!!!

After a little snooze, I made it on time, driving through the rain! With my very scratched glasses on. :) It was a good breakfast; sausages, quiche, American hash browns (yummo!) and juice.

Then I spent a few hours on the computer. One of the olds had left a youtube vid (http://youtu.be/18lsxFcDrjo) up and I watched it. Wow. My brain is scrambling to see how I might be able to use it in class - which of course, I won't because it would not fulfill requirements of legal internet use blah blah blah.

I am about to leave now to buy aforementioned Christmas present, and then go to the clothes shop that is having 50% off. In all this money-spending, I should be able to buy myself something right? Other than airfares, accommodation and a new car?

Christmas Wrapping

I was inspired by some wrapping that I saw on the internet. I wanted to do something similar, but couldn't find the materials ANYWHERE... well, in the one store I went to! So, I've altered the plan a little. I'm hoping that I both get the enjoyment I expect out of it and that people like them.

Oh, and for $90 on top of presents, I better had!

Dear Santa

I was sitting at the computer this morning, wondering what I should type in. Given I haven't blogged since October - my Android powered phone allows me to read blogs, but blogger doesn't work. For me, that is.

I thought I'd just start as if I hadn't been away. So, as it is the 12th of December, and Santa is out there looking for everyone's lists, here is mine:

1. Ticket to Dr Who and the Melbourne Symphonic Orchestra.

http://snarkerati.com/movie-news/matt-smith-wants-a-dr-who-movie/

My Mum has actually already bought this for me. I spent this morning buying air tickets to get down there!

2. Tickets to Florence and the Machine.

http://www.eventfinder.com.au/2012/florence-and-the-machine/brisbane

3. Harry Potter's Wand

Isn't the whole thing about Christmas that you can ask for stuff that you want

but could never justify actually buying for yourself?

4. A Hairbrush

In purple. I think.

5. Tupperware Toiletries Set

http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/TUPPERWARE-Travel-Accessories-Set-Brand-New-/300597003292

6. The Outsiders Shirt

I said no school oriented gifts and it is true that I will be teaching the Outsiders and it will be a great asset for that. But really, it's just freaking cool! Or, if not this one, Animal Farm, or A Clockwork Orange.

7. A Zazen Water Filter

8. Dr 9-11 Sonic Screwdrivers

Hmmm... I may be a little bit of a nerd...

9.  Pyjamas

10. iTunes vouchers

 But more than $20!!

That's my 10 things I want this year. I've never (as an adult) been able to give people 10 options. So, I'm really happy!

Oh, and in case you're wondering, I've already got presents for almost everyone - no one's given me a list though...

Happy Shopping!



CJ's 1st Birthday

You've been in the world one year today. And boy have you made an impact! You've made your Mummy and Daddy and family happy and have made Aunty Meg love you and all the other babies that you are older than (and one you are younger than!).

I hope that you remain such a lovely upbeat and happy soul and can get through life in a wonderous way!

Have a great year as a 1 year old.

And I can't wait to see you walking!!!!

So. Not a geek then?

I found my Christmas gift to myself (unless someone else buys it for me.)

I can't get it right-clicked, so you'll have to go to the page!

Holiday Wrap-Up

So, holidays are now over. Well. At 11am tomorrow morning when I head back to W. What have I done? Well... in no particular order other than the order in which I think of them I have:

1. Found out about Eftpos costing money from the 1st October. Thieves. (I know, they're not, it's a business... but it's my damned money and I live in a town with no reditellers!)

2. Handed in a (pretty crappy) uni assignment.

3. Hugged my nephew lots. Lots.

4. Held H for the third time, and O and S for the first time.

5. Paid $920 to service my car three months after the last service.

6. Chosen brilliant pictures of my nephew and one is in my wallet. Not creepy! No,  it's not even though I'm not actually related to him.

7. Seen:
Lion King
The Change Up
Abduction
The Help
Spy Kids 4 (DON'T!)
Johnny English the Rebirth

8. Watched tv channels other than Imparja, Southern Cross or ABC 1.

9. Slept a lot

10. Done absolutely NO term 3 planning.

I had a good two weeks off. Now for the 6 hour drive and getting up the courage to ask my housemate to flush!

2939 words

And it is done!

Thank God.

Now I have two days to write three units.

But there's the TES and other websites to help!

:)

ummm

2.5 hours after I got up (yay holidays!) and I now starting to think about my assignment. It's 1600 words lacking, and I can't really finish it without reading reading reading. About to start!

Multi-years in the Australian History Curriculum

It doesn't work! How in God's name can I get these topics to fit in with one another to make teaching multi-years easier? I am scared witless as the idea of having to teach two totally separate topics in the same room. Not only the extra planning, but getting the message through to the kids and doing the topics justice.

If we were given just a broad overview of 8 - the ancient and medieval word, 9 - The expanding world and 10 - the modern world, I could work with that!

Do thematic units - for example, PLAGUE! and teach the Black Death to year 8, The Spanish Flu to year 9 and SARS and Swineflu and the possibilities of another to year 10. That, I could do. The same kind of content, with slightly differing focusses for the research assessment.

But that's not how I interpret it.

The Curriculum outlines an overview curricula and then 'in depth' curricula. And dear God they don't match. Not at all. Not even the same themes!

Note to the writers - we don't all have perfect little classes of 30 students to whom we can write the program once and then not have to wholly re-write again each year. I don't know how may kids are going to be in my class or the year levels until the end of the year before, and I then have to re-write the program in totality! 

Make it easy for people please - I thought that was the whole friggin' point? To tell us the 'what' to teach, but not the 'how'? Yes, you've done that, but you haven't considered people like our tiny little school who need to run a year 8/9 combined SOSE and, maybe, include the year 10s in there.

Oh, and I've got to fill 90% of the year with in-depth studies? So how do I get Geography, Business and Civics into the SOSE curriculum. We don't all have the luxury of having separate teachers - we have four teachers. FOUR! We can't separate it out because we don't really have the staff to cover it all. Or the kids.

That's my rant about the History Curriculum. I will now put it to the back of my mind, because it doesn't go 'live' until 2013, while the English on goes live in 2012.

And I still haven't written my Term 4, 2011 units.

**DISCLAIMER - I think that the curriculum is well thought out and written. I am looking forward to teaching some of the topics and I believe the content that has been chosen is very engaging and relevant. I am talking about my ability to do the topics justice in a multi-years setting.***

Tupperware

Had a great afternoon at my Tupperware party today. Thanks so much to Jess for leading us in a plasticware gala!

Everyone I invited came so I felt great. I really thought a few wouldn't and it would just be S and me, but D, N and K came as well. :) And all the kiddies.

One hit everyone on the head. Two cried, fed and slept (under 8 weeks) and one tried to get another to play ball. Sooooo cute!

It reminded me of what I don't have - love and companionship - and discussions about the texture and solidity of someone else's faeces.

So, while I don't have anyone to love me (other than blood relations and a couple of close friends) I do have autonomy in my discussions and never have to think about other people's bodily fluids.... and I definitely don't have to one-up someone else on how long between shits my lovely little dear went!

*But I don't mind (most of the time) being privy to conversations like that.*

ummm

Can I go on the record as saying that while Taylor Lautner may make a good werewolf (I wouldn't know, not having seen any of them) he's damn ugly as a person.

'Cause he thinks I'm sexy and all. ;)

Why I'm not getting my assignment done!

I'm not engaged in the content.

I'm updating my blog... and clicking the 'next blog' function...

Babysitting

One of the many mothers I know finally left me in charge of one of their children! I know it sounds like something stupid to get worked up about, not being asked to babysit, especially because they all have such good familial support networks, but it kinda felt like a rebuff. Yes, you can look after kids as your job, but not mine.

Then CJ's Mummy left him in my care. Not only in my care, she trusted me enough to drive with him in the car, as well as take him to a family dinner at my Dad's.

He behaved so well and willingly went to anyone who wanted to hold him. My aunt and uncle both had a cuddle and he wouldn't come back from them. It was so cute!

Then I got him back to his house and he screamed for a minute to see whether I would come and get him. But I didn't and he ended up asleep. :) Don't know  that I've ever seen anyone sit on their knees, then bend their head to the mattress and sleep like that!

So gorgeous. Thank you.

Guide

Can you please guide me to what there is to see in Tasmania? I'm going to be there for three/four days in January, and want to come up with a plan, as it has been pointed out to me that just going, "OK, well, I arrive on this date and I'll work it out then" probably isn't the best way for a 29 year old to travel.

What am I into? Not so much nature, but history, attractions etc.

All I can think of is Port Arthur and the Cadbury Factory (which I know, apparently now sucks you can't walk through it, but I've never been - and cheap chocolate? Hell, yeah.)

Any or all suggestions welcome.

Caught

I am caught in between a rock and a hard place with one person in particular in my life. I treated them like shit for a few years and am now too scared to even contradict them in a misinterpretation of something I've said. So of course, I get treated like I'm too juvenile to make any decisions by myself.

Day four *Warning, explicit content in links*

Not doing much today. I totally slept until midday!

Then I watched some junk midday movie with Brooke Shields, produced by Barbra Streisand, about Florida Family Law and the adoption of babies by homosexuals. Basically, it was designed as a tearjerker, but... with a point!

It ties in nicely with Qand A the other night. They discussed Marriage Equality, and Kristina Keneally said that she was in support of marriage equality. Then my friend posted an article about Rick Santorum and his comments about that if we allow homosexuals to marry, then we will allow bigamy, sodomy (uh, of course, idiot) and all other kinds of paraphilia. Some paraphilia are just wrong. Toe sucking? ewww...

But what's wrong with a little open bigamy? If all three (or more) of the people involved in that relationship don't mind, I don't see what's so wrong with it. I would be way too jealous of a person to be one of the many, but I could totally be the one in the middle  (I mean, the single sex to the multiple partners of the opposite sex!)

Marriage equality must come. It must. We are denying the human rights of those involved. As one commentor said on QandA - why do we deny the right of children with gay parents the right to have married parents?

But, let me sum it up with a cartoon.

It is time.

*Editted* - Tasmania voted in favour of marriage equality today. Now for the rest of the country to come in line!

Zombies! Brains!

Eat brains! Eat brains!

image from: http://www.entertainmentearth.com/prodinfo.asp?number=MZ57000AA

How freaking cool!!!!

I spent over an hour with my BIL looking at nerdapproved.com giggling and loving stuff. My sister thought we were wierd. Her exact words, "Sometimes I think I'm a geek and then you two sit watching that and giggling".

But hey, nerd/geek - I know there's a difference and I'm much more geek than nerd - but that's who I am!!!

Assignments

I totally have an assignment due on Friday. I haven't started, or even the readings! And what I have done, I left in W while I am in Brisbane.

So, I knew that this was going to happen. I was really engaged in the past two semesters and got a 6 and 7. *wow* Then I followed up 'Reading in and out of the classroom' with 'Teaching reading'. Total boredom. Overload I think. I really should have done something else and come back to this subject next year. :(

Ah, hindsight, you are a bitch. Why can we not have the benefit of your wisdom before we make decisions?

I have so much to do this week and I believe I'm going to apply for an extension. They seem to be much easier-going on post-grad students, so hope all will be OK. Otherwise, I'm-a gonna screw my GPA up!

Smells

They are very welcome, like baby smell or popcorn. Or, they can be unwanted. Like any kind of fish. Urgh, gag me.

Smells are also the things that can transport us back in time.

I walked into the BF's  house today, and I was back in the next door neighbours house, with a million (ok, exaggeration) cats which had peed all over the house.

Gross.

So not into stale cat urine. And it was inside the couch, so I smell of it now and will need to launder my clothes.

Blergh.

Gag.

Yuck.

First day of holidays

I spent today with S and CJ. He's changed so much and is a little person now! 10 weeks since the last time I saw him. He didn't recognise me, but only took 10 minutes or so to warm up and give me cuddles and kisses. Such a energy and soul renewer.

Little dancer jiving to the music. Every single bit of music in the shopping centre was danced to.

35 minutes of Just Dance dancing complete!

September October

We have holidays! Yay! Excellent. I totally need a break.

I know people who aren't or don't know teachers have their own opinions. Keep them to yourselves! It's like I'm not allowed to comment on peoples' mothering skills. (Except for on here, but it's my blog and I'll say it if I want to. If you don't like, you can read someone else!) I look after your child 6 hours per day and I earn these breaks. If you looked after up to 200 kids over a week for ten weeks, making sure their emotional, educational and health needs were met, you'd need a break every now and then too!

OK.

So, I'm back home for a fortnight and already stir crazy. Oh well... I'll pay my debt off and then I can go away for holidays! Not in a financial position for that atm.

I am trying to meet new bubs born in the last ten weeks (who all have normal names) but all the mums have demands that I am frustrated by and, because I don't understand I guess, don't particularly want to go out of my way to meet. I'm sure your little one is not going to die because you come out for three hours with him/her. But then again, I'm a non-procreator and as such have no rights to opinions on anything. I'm not really human am I?

Miracle Day

I have an excited buzz in my stomach thinking about the new Torchwood series.

Jack Harkness... and his total lack of stress over his sexuality
Rhys Williams and his cluelessness... and his loyalty.

And up to date British TV? Hells yeah.

But I get a sad feeling thinking that Ianto is no longer in the series.

And I get a frustrated feeling when not one free-to-air TV channel picked it up. Only on Austar. Grrr.

Holidays

I've had holidays for the past week and a bit - and for today and tomorrow. I tell you what, I am going to own it every time I am told, "Oh, you only teach for the holidays". Hell yeah!

Of course not. I love the kidlets, the knowledge, the spark in the eyes when you finally reach someone with a piece of information that inspires them. Or when they finally click that the ones column is the right one!

But holidays make it bearable when you are being yelled at, sworn at. When you have spent six hours creating what you think is an exciting lesson (Mummification and actually mummifying [without the death part]) and you get the whole lot of them just sitting and staring. Or when you get the parent calling and asked why their lovely one got a D and you have to tell her,

"Your son is a lazy lump who couldn't spell his own name if asked, so he failed because he didn't hand anything relevant in. And he swore during his presentation 'cause you and your husband swear like truckers and are never at home to look after him or his brothers and he's been babysitting since he was 6 while you're at the pub getting maggot. He probably has some issues due to your drinking and smoking all the way through your pregnancy and the distinct lack of attention he gets at home."

Without actually saying any of that.

I always say it's like that adage of 'forgetting labour so you'll do it again' - I need holidays so that I don't quit and leave the profession a little more lacking.

*Oooh, ego!*

Professional Photos

I love getting my photo taken normally. I feel like people actually care when they decide to take a memory of me.

I hate looking at them though. It reminds me of how ugly I've allowed myself to be. Gross and disgusting.

So, when my sisters and I banded together and bought Mum a professional shoot of the four of us (three girls, one mum) I was horrified.

I was almost in tears at the idea of being in photos with my gorgeous sisters and people forever comparing them to me. I would always come up lacking if that's the case.

But actually, when I got to the shoot, I was happy. We were our normal disgusting selves - my sisters were insulting each other about their plastic surgery, touching each other's breasts and generally showing how gross as a group we can be. Not to fear though - I joined in on the insults and helped show the photographer how bad of a job mum did in raising ladies.

So, while I really don't want to see the pictures on the website today, let alone in print on anyone's wall, I had fun getting the photo for my mumma.

6 months

I've survived six months at the same school! I am so happy. :)

I've got permanency and I know I'm going back there in July, but I tell you, after the last few years with the instability of contracts that end every six months, (even if they end up being renewed like in the UK) I actually started packing away and saying Goodbye to everything in my mind. Then I realised - you'll be back next term!!!

I am so grateful for the stability that I have now.

let's hope that gratefulness opens me up for friends and a partner

Birthday

Horrible mental health day yesterday. Very angry at people.

Went to the party and after a vodka and a few hours of baby hugs, all is well again.

Saturday

8am.
    Woke up to my alarm. Turned it off and went back to sleep.

11am.
    Woke up to my Dad and Step-mother talking. Went back to sleep.

12 noon
    Woke up to Dad knocking on the door, telling me "it's midday M. Time to get up."
    Get up, even though I think, "I'm 28. If I want to sleep the day away, can't I?"
    Dad turns on Dr Who over the sports and gives it about 5 minutes before it annoys him and he gets up and
            leaves. It's such a generous gesture that I watch it even though I've seen it before.
1pm
    Answer the phone to the Everton Park Tavern and tell them that, yes, the booking stands, but can we add
           4 seats?  
    Head to Stafford City to see "Pirates 4". The joy of being in the city!

That's it so far!

I'll let you know later what comes next.

RSVPs

are important people!

I don't care that it's not for a wedding. I don't care that it's not for a baby shower. I don't care that it's not for something that is 'noteworthy'.

I am inviting you to go out to dinner with me and my family to celebrate my birthday. Now, I know you've got your 'lovely, beautiful, handsome' baby to look after and your 'hunky, god-like' husband to consult. It shouldn't take too long to decide.

You: "I know it's only a week's notice but M invited us for dinner. Are we doing anything on Saturday?"
Him: "No, not that I can think of."
You: "It'd be good to go, but we've got the baby and that's just so hard to deal with. Our incredible doting parents just wouldn't want to baby-sit for a couple of hours!"
Him: "No, I guess they wouldn't."
You: "Ok, so are we going or not?"
Him: "She did fly home from Canada to go to our wedding, and did drive a 12 hour return trip for your two hour baby shower. Do you think we should go to her birthday?"
You: "It's not a significant birthday, it's just 29. But she doesn't really ask us to do anything and is always there for us."
Him: "So we go?"
You: "Let's not decide yet. Let's wait until 5 days after the RSVP and less than 24 hours before we're supposed to be there to let her know that yes, we're coming and that she needs to make sure that there is enough room for our super-dooper gigantic (fuck off unnecessary) pram!"
Him: "Ok. Let's do that."

So, yeah. RSVPs are there for a reason. I made the booking 5 days ago. I now have to ring up the restaurant and not only add two extra seats to a table of 13, but ensure that they are aware that an extremely large pram will be arriving and, no, you are not going to just park it to the side, but will need it right next to you, taking up a place at the table.

Oh for God's sake!

That's it. No mothers are invited to my dinners ever again.

*Unless they're CJ's Mum, who had the courtesy to reply before the RSVP and ask for a high chair politely and told me not to stress too much, 'cause he could sit on everyone's laps 'cause he likes being passed around.*

My current favourite picture

Is of me and my nephew and another friend's baby.

I have H on my shoulder at 7 weeks old and am feeding CJ with my right hand. You cannot see my face, but you can see both of theirs. It's a gorgeous pic.

Out of respect to the Mumma who asked me not to show anyone I won't show you, just know that I wanted to I'm so happy about it.

:)

Babies babies babies

Totally sick of their parents. The babies themselves, I love. Their parents, I can leave.

You have no right to try and make me feel less because I haven't got a child!
Get lost and shut up about your fucking children.

*I am aware that being a teacher is not the same thing, but dear God, I don't care if your child is up at 2am. He's 6 weeks old - did you expect him to sleep through???!!!??? I also don't care if your child is asleep at 5pm so he will get up at 11pm and not sleep 'right'. Wake him up then!!

**I am being a hypocrite because 90% of the time with my friends, I instigate baby talk and love reading lots of parents blogs. It's the never-ending "woe is me, I'm a parent" / "my child is gorgeous" FB posts. The ones that either make me mad, or gag.

*** The anger might be jealousy

Last day

It was my last full day in Brisbane today. I spent three quarters of the week wanting to be back in my own place - back in the good ol' W. Then the last few days I've been hanging out with the neph and his mumma and his pappadog. (Isn't it amazing that it is the boy who comes first now? I am totally enamoured and in love with this bubba. I don't think I can say it enough. If it's even only a tenth of how mothers love their babies, I am in awe of how much love there is in the world. And can't wait for mine!)

I could physically feel myself unwinding. Relaxing. Opening muscles out so that they weren't all tight and ouchy. I've only just gotten into the mood for my holidays and they are over. Well, I've got 2 more days - tomorrow and Tuesday. But tomorrow includes a 6 hour drive during 'double point' weekend. I will be well worried on the drive up. And then on Monday, it is ANZAC day. A day where we honour those who have served. Which is all well and good, but being in a tiny town (there are ~350 people in the town I live in) it's an expectation that we are all at the ceremonies. I don't actually mind - I'm glad that I am involved in the community and I can give a meaningful tribute to the men and women, blah blah blah - but I want the extra couple of days!

1 week is not enough. Oh well, 9 weeks until the next lot.

Expensive Day

I went to Chermside with my BFF and nephew today. A great day. Really good - emotionally nourishing and oh, those smiles! I just melt.

I bought:

• 13 binders for school
• 3 exercise books for uni
• 2 pens for marking
• 10 blank CDs
• 1000 effort stickers
• 7 sticks of plasticine for my year 9s
• a bra
• a white button up shirt (bought from the menswear dept at Target as not one clothes shop for women had one!)
• fake Skechers 'shape ups'
• flannelette sheets
• flannelette pjs
• winter socks
• 3 x oven trays/dishes
• 24 piece cutlery set
• can opener
• that's life
• Take 5
• candle for Mum's Easter present

And I probably bought something else as well, but I've forgotten.

Thank God for holidays as being 2 hours west of the nearest Coles and 2.5 hours east of the nearest Woolworths, I have been able to buy stuff I've needed desperately for the past 12 weeks.

This holiday hasn't been really what I needed. I've done a lot of sleeping and TV watching (not having just Imparja isn't actually worth it!) and gone to the movies a bit. I needed something emotionally nourishing, which I haven't really gotten. Not a real stress, but I'm just not as relaxed as I could be.

So, thank you my bestie and nephie, for giving me some succour and smiles today. You made my week.

New Babies

They are everywhere! It was pointed out to me that this year is the Chinese Year of the Rabbit, so I guess it's a forgone conclusion... although they were (mostly) conceived in the Year of the Tiger. Horny horny tiger!

Anyways, I met a new baby this past weekend. He's cute. He looks like a monkey - how do Creationists ever get past that with new babies? Hell, no, we don't descend from apes, but all babies look like monkeys. Don't really like his name, but I'm sure it will grow on me. I didn't really like the other name that is of my little tiger, but I had 7 months to get used to it before he was welcomed into the world. I will get used to it. And it's a timely reminder that when I finally am able to procreate, that others will be judging my choice of name and therefore to grow a thick skin or choose something normal (that hasn't been ruined by teaching!)

Last night had a karaoke night with my sisters and mother. Holy God do we suck. One of my sisters even audio-recorded us, so that might be on FB later. If it is, I'm a-gonna kill her!

Early Easter last night and I think I ate my own weight (well, the weight of my forearm anyway) in chocolate. Feel a little ill. How in sam's hell did I do that as a kid???

2011 so far...

January.

• I refused resolutions, only saying that on the 31st December 2011 I wanted to look back over the year and not regret anything.
• I watched Channel 9 horrified for days on end, being selfish because I wanted to get out past the flooding to start my new job!
• I got to the new job and met my boss when he arrived unannounced on my doorstep and I was still in my pyjamas at 1pm in the afternoon.
• I met the new town at Australia Day celebrations and the 'donate to Condamine Bowls Day.'
• Got conned into being the Touch Association's Secretary.
• Started work and realised that small class sizes, while good through the research, are quite hard and nothing can be hidden when there are only 4 students in your class.

February

• Joined the school band
• Kept planning and getting unit plans on the school drive. Was horrified to find I am head of SOSE and Home Ec and that there were no plans left as the curriculum had to be changed after last year's bad report in the school audits. Have spoken to Head of Curriculum and we are going to 'wait' until the Australian Curriculum goes live for whole-scale change in SOSE. Was also head of LOTE until the Principal screwed up and removed that from my list and gave it to the peripitetic teacher out of the town 70 kms away. (who in a term of 12 weeks long, arrived 4 times!)
• Drove home and back to W over one weekend. Very tiring.
• Celebrated with friends at a baby shower on afore-mentioned long trip.
• Also on that trip bought some clothes and have gone done a cup size in my bra area.

March

• More school! It's never ending this term. Told students that if drafts were not handed in on time I would call parents. Did so for the entire grade (7 students) and was sworn at by the students because I 'fucking' called home!
• Housemate and I decided we couldn't live together and she moved out. Not sad about this.
• Tried on my jeans that I was given last year in June that I didn't fit. They're loose!
• Going to Zumba three times a week for 40 minutes at a time. Totally illegally, but in a town of 350 people, how can we get an instructor? Beto just needs to suck it.
• Two friends at home had babies. Don't know what to think about their names. They'll grow on me. Make a mental note to remember this feeling from when I have children.
• Joined Apex

April

• Entered students' work into the local show. The only one that won first prize (in the IT layout section) was the one I typed for said student. I can win a juvenile section!!!
• Conducted the band at the show. Exciting and stressful.
• School finally finishes for a term.
• Drove back home.

So, there you have my year so far. I'm still sorry that I haven't kept more up to date. I will have to see whether the school computers will let me blog sometimes (the government's filter is rather random.)

I have spent today (the past 2.5 hours) reading blogs that I haven't read in 3 months. Catching up on gossip and peoples' lives. Am about to go and purchase food that is not extremely overpriced! $18 for 1/2 kilo of mince is criminal. But hey, I live in the middle of no where!

Holidays

I am now on holidays. My apologies for not updating more regularly - it's lame I know, but I don't have the internet at home in W and the school computers block blogger.com. Not really sure why.

I had weeks of blogs ready to go and left them in W (6 hours away!)

I am about to go out and see some 'civilisation' and will post more during the week.

Thanks for those of you who read me when I post.

Weekend visit

6 hour drive. I split it into 2 thanks to my old housemate in Tba who let me crash on her couch. And 'cause one of her current housemates (her sister) was having a party, her sister let me use her bed. Lovely ladies. :)

My nephew is so big! 6 weeks since I last saw him and I only got cried at once, when I moved suddenly and scared the shit out of him. But I said sorry, blew a raspberry and all was forgiven. Gorgeous!
Spent $127 on gifts and clothes today. My sister helped me pick them - thank you! Also, learnt that one of my sisters has a blog and says real wierd things on it. Might have to find it and sticky beak.

Mum and I went and saw "I am Number Four." Warning: Do NOT take a child to see this, even if it is a teenage book. The first two minutes have someone stabbed to death, and there is so much violence, and a man is made to eat a rotating ball of knives. NOT kids' stuff.

And my bestie - yes, she's mine, even if I'm not hers and I'm quite happy with that - and I went for a walk to the butchers and it was closed, so we turned around and went to Coles. And back. 72 minutes total walking.

On top of my Zumba, dancing and netball this week I am feeling like an exercise God!

New York City Ballet

70 minutes. That's how long I danced along to the exercise video. And boy, do I have muscles where I'd forgotten I had them!

I am in Brisbane on the weekend and I will upload a lot of backdated blogs for you all.

Suffice it to say that I am loving it out here, except for our seniors who are disgusting.

Brilliant move coming here I think. :)

Lack of internet

My computer has crapped itself. I still have money on my dongle, but my computer modem isn't functioning. So, I can't access the internet.

I'm on my housemate's computer while she's at school (on a Sunday! There is more to life, I say... but I am choosing to feel guilty about how much she is doing and how little I am.) so I won't be updating in a while.

Know that I am thinking of you all and will be back with a multitude of posts. I'm even keeping an electronic 'blog journal' so that when I get access back I can update you all.

:)

In the meantime, have fun, and look at the sky now and then for a reprieve.

Rolling over.

Am about to pack and head out to W tomorrow. Jumped on blogger to have a quick look, and yet another blogger has died. :( The world is imploding.

So, to slough off the grief and loss, I will share some good news with you.

My nephew rolled over today.

Life must go on.

Conan O'Brien

Normally I hate him.

Well, I like him more than Letterman or the other fella he had a fight with. Just don't find him funny.

But I needed to slough off my sadness, so was listening while typing.

He asked 'staffers kids' how their parents liked working for him.

1. She wishes that Conan had some kind of disease.
2. After working for Conan, he says there is no God.
3. Conan gave Mum $5000 and told her it was time for new boobs.
4. Conan threw hot coffee in my Dad's eyes and he can't see now. Conan calls him 'Blindy Mcnosight."

I giggled.

*Disclaimer. I don't think these are real. They were incredibly good looking and ethnically diverse children. But it tickled my funny bone. Or as King Francois said in 'The Tudors' tonight, tres amusant.
**Disclaimer Two: I know we don't have a funny bone, it's a nerve. I also understand that it's not funny for the person who's hit it.
*** Disclaimer Three: I know it's funny for other people 'cause it's painful and seeing people in pain is funny. Kind of like farts.
**** Disclaimer Four: I don't know whether tres needs an acute or accent. I could look it up, but I can't be bothered.

Loss

We've all lost something. It may not have been a visceral loss; a partner, a parent, a child. It may only have been a treasured toy or pet (which, to a child could be counted as on the same scale.)

I've lost grandparents, parents of close friends and cousins. I was upset. I cried. I went to funerals and went to the wakes.

Nothing I felt compares to what Lori and Lulu have to be feeling.

With all the death and destruction in Brisbane, Queensland, New South Wales, Victoria, Western Australia, Brazil and other places, it is the postings of these two women who have hit me. My body is drained and I feel like crying.

I think it was the anguish in the post of Lulu's experience in being called to her sister's side that got in under my skin.

I am eternally sorry for them and wishing them time and coping when they are ready.

I am thinking of you both.

Optimism

The removalists think they can get my stuff to my new house by Monday afternoon.

Driving:

through Brisbane City, Ipswich, Grantham, Withcott, Toowoomba, Dalby, Chinchilla, and Miles.

or

through Strathpine, Caboolture, Theodore and Taroom.

or

through Brisbane City, Ipswich, Warwick, Goondoowindi, and Miles.

I love optimistic people!

From Caelum's Mumma.

Hi everyone.  Meg has asked me to be a guest blogger on her blog. :P

Im not so good on blogging. I have tried it and failed, hah, you should see my "wedding blog" I think the only blog I used kinda regularly was a group one which we used kinda like we use facebook for now. Ha. We obviously don't use it any more :P


It's funny. B4 I left work for maternity leave I never really looked at FB and only rarely checked my email, but being housebound I find I check both multiple times a day and have even become a fairly regular commenter and occasionally change my own "status". I have uploaded a butt load of pics of my beautiful bubby :P

I've never really considered myself to be that dependent on social interaction - I've always been just happy with just hanging out with my hubby and if friends come out with us, well, that's just an added bonus. But obviously spending as much time at home as I do now is just a little too much.

I miss work :P

I can't wait to go back to work but I'm a bit worried about how I'm goin to cope with working, being a mum and studying. I start my uni course at the end of February, one subject atm, so only one 3 hour lesson a week but I'll have study time on top of that. I will more than likely be going back to work 4 days a week. Gonna put CJ into child care 2 times week and he'll go to his Nanna one day and his Granmar the other.

That will prolly be hard too. I've left him in Grandparent care often, just for a movie or to go to dinner with hubby or shopping. We try to have some us time at least once a fortnight :) but that's just a few hours only over one feed really. To leave him for a whole day :( well at least I got a few months or so to get used to the idea. haha.

OK. I'm lost for more things to say now :P

Hope you all enjoyed my visit :P and here is a pic of my beautiful baby :)



CJ - Cheeky Little Monkey!


**Shantell gave me written permission to post this picture**



Preparations

The house in which I live is not in a suburb with flooding warnings.

I have still put all my electronics into a bag, with my certificates and passport etc. Most of my other stuff is up in the top shelf (you know the one, the obnoxiously high one in the cupboard that you can never reach.)

I have things on my bed. On my desk. We are contemplating getting out the sandbags.

So, I hear you ask, "If you're not on the flood warning list, why are you getting prepared?"

Because my mother bought a townhouse less than 100m from the creek. At the bottom of an almost perpendicular hill. At ground level.

Being prepared is the motto of the day.

I hope everyone in any part of the flooding and fires in Australia are safe.

Selfishness

My grandmother once told me that I was the 'most spoilt person she'd ever met.' My response was, "Of course I was bloody spoilt - I'm the eldest of your grandchildren by 2 years. Do you think you contributed?" I can't remember the rest of the conversation, and it might not be verbatim, and as we know with memory, it may not have happened at all.

But I am. Selfish. Selfish to the core. I try not to be. I try to be unselfish and care about others. I really do.

I buy people things. I do what they want, without complaining (to them at least) when I really don't just want to sit there and do nothing. I ensure that other people have fun wherever we are, to the point it annoys me. I devote my time to my friends and students.

But, emotionally, I'm mine. I don't get worked up about things that don't affect me, or at least annoy me. I don't consider other people's emotions, and often tune out when they are speaking to me. I expect of course that they listen to every single thing I say.

I feel sorry for the people who have been involved in the floods. (BTW, I know that Australia is large and tell people that. Do people overseas understand it now, when a third of our state is the same size and France and Germany combined???) I really do. They've lost their livelihoods, pets, friends, homes and memories. My heart goes out to them and I've donated. But. And here's the thing. I am only worried how it affects me.

Am I going to be able to get out there on the weekend? It's looking less and less likely.
Are the students going to be at school the week after next?
Am I going to have to do clean up when I get out there?

I don't want other people to suffer, but I'm thinking solely of me. Me.

Like the prayers going around the Australian blogosphere for Lori and her Husband. He died today. Don't now why, but am really curious. When the news came that he was in the ICU, I sent a quick prayer and read everyone's blogs about it. I wanted information.

I was sympathetic. I felt bad for her and wanted the family to be safe, healthy and happy. But I didn't really care. I was grateful that it wasn't me going through that. I said thank you, sent a quick, "Please help them get through this" and went on my own merry way.

And if being emotionally cut off from sympathy, empathy and caring aren't examples of pure selfishness, I don't know what is. I feel guilty. I am working on 'passing it up' - sending it to the Angels to help remove from my personality.  To be more caring for my fellow citizens in the world and online.

Please forgive me.

Baby-sitting

So, you know what I do for a job right? You know that teaching is my passion, even if I procrastinate too much and end up not doing quite as well as I want. (Honesty people!)

Well, I work in the high school system. Therefore, I look after (and try to get through to) up to 200 students per week - in England, it was over this - and I keep them safe. I make sure they are nourished. I make sure that they are learning the accepted morals of the society we live in. I try to make sure that they are emotionally nourished. I ensure that they are safe and nothing can harm them. OK, so sometimes, being teenagers, I can't do all of this, but I definitely try.

Well, my friends don't seem to want my expertise in looking after their children. C's Mumma is getting less connected as he gets old (cannot believe he's three months old) and I totally understand that she doesn't want to leave him alone with me.

But other friends? I offer to take friends' children to the movies and I don't get a response. It's holidays, and you're working and you've left him with his grandmother. Surely a friend taking him out would be a good thing? I can keep them safe. I do it for a job.

I just don't understand why a simple return SMS back - 'no thanks, he's fine where he is'. 'No thanks, but thanks for the offer' is so hard.

The same thing applies for RSVPs. I think I'm only ever going to get RSVPs for my wedding during the ceremony. (No, no wedding as yet!) You'd think the advent of Facebook Events would make it easier - click 'Yes', 'No' or 'Maybe'. It's not that hard. And seriously! If I ask for RSVPs 'cause I have to book a table, let me know!!!!

Rant over.

My friends' children

I love them dearly.

Ok, I love Caelum as if he was my family. Mia, I adore, and she's gorgeous, but not like my family. But I still love her in that she is delightful and is great fun to have around.

I wonder what the new babes that are to be born this year are going to be like....

Easy going? Frustrated easily? Friendly? Fussy?

It's all a mystery. A lovey mystery for my friends and by extension me.

I hope that one day I have my own mystery.

Hugs make the world go round

They do. Oh, they really do.

I got C for twenty minutes or so today before he started crying. Go me! I'm starting to slowly get a not-so-negative reaction from my nephew and I tell you, I totally needed it. I was starting to get paranoid.

I know young children are scared of me, but I really wanted C to like me and let me cuddle him.

He has consistently now, for the last three visits, allowed me to hold him for over half an hour.

I was getting 45 seconds before screaming started.

I know I'm not his Mumma. I know that I'm just some random woman who comes over sometimes.

But holding him in my arms is so special.

I love my BFF (oh dear God, she is my closest friend and loves me unconditionally, but I don't know that she'd like being called my BFF) and that she is welcoming and allows me the title of 'Auntie' and is including me in the life of her special little guy.

He is gorgeous.

I hope my kids can play with him and his siblings when they arrive.

New Clothes

There's new clothes today.

Not for me - that was last week. (a really gorgeous rose pink maxi-dress).

For the blog.

I've renamed her, and have updated her look. There's this unsightly white part next to the header. That's my ICT incompetence coming to the fore.

I'm not stressed about it.

What do you think?

Parking and Teenagers

^^
Them. Them up above. They're why I HATE Chermside Shopping Centre.

Anyhooooo... on a less rage-filled note...

I have had total anxiety about any form of exercise for years. To the point that before I moved to England I was so scared to stand up from sitting that I didn't do it unless someone was in the room. I couldn't get to sleep 'cause I thought I might die during the night that my Mother had to sit with me (I was 26) until I fell asleep and I would often wake her up if I woke up. I moved to England to snap myself out of it. I'm still not totally OK, but I can live alone, walk up some stairs at school and generally stand for the 70 minute lessons.

But that's background information. Needed. You probably won't understand the momentousness of the next statement.

I can now participate in Just Dance 2 for 20 minutes straight and earn on average 250 'sweat points' per song. I am dripping by the end of it. And my left fingers are numb (a common manifestation of stress for me.)

I go straight to bed after doing it. Or at least lying down on the couch. I find if I sleep or get distracted by the TV I forget the immensity of the exercise (which I know doesn't sound that much, but I weight almost 150kgs, so it's a big deal to dance non-stop for 20 minutes, even if it's mostly my body and arms) and can get through the rest of the day.

I feel looser, am sleeping better and can breathe easier.

Children's pictures.

So, for those of you who don't know, I do not have children. Therefore, I know, I am supposed to be silent and not have any opinions on discipline, breast-feeding, or anything. Until I've pushed one out, I am supposed to sit and not have any judgements about how people are raising their children. I understand that.

But that's not who I am. I am a teacher and control upwards of 200 children throughout the week. For 6+ hours per day, which unfortunately is much longer than a lot of my students' parents control their own spawn. You know, bed at 8pm, getting up at 7, at school by 8, parents home at 6. I have done copious amounts of reading and know quite a lot of people with children - I think I am intelligent and passively absorb ideas and advice. Never mind the child development study I've done in my last 9 years of study at university.

Most of the time, I don't mind that I am expected to be quiet. I know it's my place as a non-breeder. But, I have to post this. I must have a little rant.

I am sick and tired of seeing people post pictures of their children on the net. If you want to do that, that's fine - I've posted a few of my friends' kids on Facebook in my friends only albums with their written permission (I know some of the laws you see). What I am truely sick of is the hypocritical nature of these women.

It's like they think, "If I hide my child's name, then I can put a photo of him/her on the open blogosphere no matter what it is showing."

I stumbled across a post yesterday where the woman had posted about potty training (which she had started at 3!) and had accompanied the post with a naked picture of her son sitting on the potty. So, no penis, but still! I mean come on.

She may have thought, it's ok, there are no names, so paedophiles cannot do anything to my son. No, they can't. Except "Save As" and use the picture as an aid. There are gross people out there you know. This is where I see the hypocrisy coming into the fore.

I guarantee you that the many of these women would be demanding of the death penalty and naming and shaming a man/woman who had abused a child. By posting your child's picture, you may be enabling this.

If you choose to post a picture of your child, please remove the hypocrisy - name your child, don't use some cutesy nickname and be aware that someone may want to use the picture in an impure way.

And think on this - you may not care about this. I understand that. But think about how embarrassed you were when Mum and Dad took naked pictures and put it in your photo albums. Not only have you allowed your family and friends to see this, you've embarrassed them in front of the entire world.

Think Mothers. Think.


*************************************************
Not totally just my own opinion:



 """Appropriate representation

Ensure that all children in the photograph or image are appropriately dressed. Care should be taken not
to print or broadcast any images that may be used for the sexual gratification of others, for example,
images of naked or semi-dressed children or those that display young people emulating adults.

Do not publish images that are likely to cause distress, upset or embarrassment to the child – either
now, or in the future. Consider whether the image portrays the child or young person in a demeaning
way, or if it could be seen to exploit the child in any way."""" --

 Commission for Children and Young People and Child Guardian (2010) Tips for parents on photography of children and young people. [Online] Queensland Government. Available: http://www.ccypcg.qld.gov.au/pdf/publications/brochures/children-and-the-media/Corporate-Fact-Sheet3.pdf 

Floods

I feel guilty.

I watch the fires every year and say, "Oh that's sad" and then move on.
I watched the drought and said, "Oh, that's sad" and then move on.
I usually watch floods and say, "Oh, that's sad" and then move on.

It doesn't affect me, so it's abstract and for some reason I don't feel too much empathy or sympathy.

This year, it is affecting me. I am stressed, angry and annoyed.

Why didn't I take care of the people when it was happening to them and not me?

2011

My goal this year:

To look back on the 31st December 2011 and be happy with my decisions. And to look positively on everything.

Then I was kicked out of my friends' house - not as rude as it sounds, her baby doesn't settle with people other than Mum and Dad in the house and he had slept around 1 hour since 9am (it was 7pm at this time) so I left. I asked her if I should leave.

We all hung out at her house today for NYE (yes, I know it's a day late) because C can't be taken of routine atm. I understand that and it was actually really enjoyable - no drinking, just chatting and lunch. A really grown up NYE! But everyone there was paired off at least and most were pregnant.

So, all I heard for 5 hours was f**cking crap about pregnancy, babies, how rude people who don't have kids are (? Hello, I'm just trying to give you new ideas if I mention something, and yes, I know I don't have children. I know that. You don't need to rub it in.) and how people shouldn't discipline others' children. If your child uses my digital camera, I don't expect you to let him stick his finger on the lens. I told him not to, sat down and explained that if you touch that, your finger smudge will be on every photo after and he said sorry (he's 4.) If you're not going to keep an eye on my $350 equipment, then I have to!

But anyway, my positivity went out the window. It just reminded me how single, unsecure (I have been given a full time job with the Ed dept, but it is smack bang in the middle of the floods, so I don't know I'll be there to start) and unloved I am.

And no, familial and friendship love doesn't bloody well count.

So, contrary to my goal of positivity, I went to Nando's, sobbed while waiting for my food and brought 8 Cruisers. I thought drinking before the New Year was customary?